she told me i tasted like america
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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