found the other keg... it's in the tree
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
