I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
