i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
