I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
