like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
