Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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