i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nutella sex= disaster
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
