We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
