wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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