I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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