Swine flu. Run for my life!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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