I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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