His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pooping to opera.
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