Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
