You just made me feel so damn special
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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