i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
