My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
