and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
