New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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