It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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