It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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