Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
