well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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