considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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