your room smells of hookers.
And success
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
