I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
