this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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