I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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