He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
