so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
