it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
