Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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