We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
