She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
