ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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