Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
