Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
