Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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