Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
