k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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