I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
