I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
