dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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