take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
