Having a random hookup so left but love u
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
