He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I didn't notice because vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
