Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
