D3 body, D1 cock
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
