yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
