I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
